Last February as I was beginning divorce proceedings, I had a friend send me a link to a website that she told me I needed to look at. She told me about these daily e-mails that she gets from it that were uplifting and that would help me to see the truths in my life. At this point in my life, I was in a depression. I was very recently separated from Richard, after ten years of never questioning his existance by my side. I considered myself homeless -- even though I was living with my kids at my parent's home. I was jobless. I had no goals, no purpose beyond existence. Nights were the worst. If I slept for a couple hours I was doing good. After all, it had been how many years since I didn't have his heartbeat to lull me to sleep...
Besides the depression, I felt that I was in a very hostile environment. Some of that self-inflicted. The people that I had always leaned on were all at odds with each other, and I believe also with themselves. I hated that life had changed so dramatically, seemingly overnight. I went from concern about a husband whom I thought was depressed, to being on my own within a couple of weeks. I mourned the losses in my life. I mourned the loss of husband, best friend, home, work, friends, and family. I hit such a low that I questioned my very existence.
My sweet little angel, Reid, was the first to pull me out of the darkness. He wanted to sleep with me one night about a week after I had moved to town. As we lay in my old high school bedroom, Reid puts his arm around my neck and hugs me tight. He says to me, "Mommy, I don't like it when you cry." It was at this time as I lay awake for hours after he fell asleep cuddled close beside me that I decided I had to do something, anything to get out of the darkness.
I decided to go out to this website that my friend, Jen, had told me about. I signed up for the daily e-mails. The first one came the following day. It began, "A little birdie told me...Dear struggling girl," I read it and really took the time to ponder the message that it sent me. Each message that came seemed to speak directly to me. Each made me really think about how it applied to my life. Some of the messages that came were things that I saw I really needed to do for myself. As the days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned to months, I was still learning about myself from these powerful messages.
As things in my life improved, I continued to learn about myself from these messages. Each message applied to a different part of me. From the first Dear struggling girl to Dear beautiful girl to Dear talented girl. As I applied each message to my life, I put another puzzle-piece of myself back together. At the same time, I was growing in other areas of life. I got a new job; I bought a new house; I made new friends. I learned that I really could raise my kids on my own... even though I so missed having their father beside me in the evenings where we could share their accomplishments. However, even as I put myself back together, I knew that on the inside I was still broken, battered, and bruised. I was getting better, but I still had a long ways to go.
Then late this fall, in one of my daily e-mails I learned that they were offering an online course for Soul Restoration. I pondered it for a few days. I decided that I was going to do this for myself. I signed up, paid the tuition and gathered the supplies. In January, almost exactly one year after I went out on my own and left my old life behind, the class started. Let me tell you, this class was amazing!
From the first week of the class, where we constructed our "Soul House" in a collage. I kicked EVERYBODY out of my soul for the remainder of the class. The class took many thought provoking hours, but out of it I have found peace in my life. In the end, I have learned to put some people "on the moon" where they can't hurt me -- even some of those whom I have to deal with on a daily basis. Moral of the story: if you have the chance to take a single class to work on restoring your soul, this is an excellent class. No matter what stage you are in life, these are some very powerful life lessons to follow. Melody and Kathy, great job! :)
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